Before You Comment

Before you spout off into the endless abyss of the internet to weigh in on whether something was “Not funny” or “stupid”, just stop. Fucking stop. Shut your mouth and stop typing. When a youtube video is so bad, that it requires a soul crushing blow from your tasty fingers, here’s what you should do instead. 

I don’t mean this sarcastically, this is a sincere suggestion. Go make a better video, because when you do, one of two amazing things will happen. First, you might create something truly novel, original or gut-bustingly hilarious. People will play your homemade internet sensation over and over and over. Kids will show their parents. Parents will show their friends. Views will shower upon you, bringing smiles and cheer to all corners of the internet until eventually it will boil over to fox news, or CNN, where a round table of neolithic taste makers will show everyone too lazy to check reddit your video. Laughter will fill living rooms across the country, money will fall from the sky, and black people will do the thriller dance down the streets.

Or the second and far more likely scenario will happen. You’ll make a video, and pour your fucking heart into it. You’ll know deep inside how funny and remarkably whinny it is. Then  a hundred views later you won’t even have a comment telling you how much your video sucks, because NO ONE you tricked into watching it will share it, because the truth is it’s DOG SHIT. 

And I hope When this second option happens, you say, “screw you internet. I know this is good”. Then you’ll make another and another until finally you put enough time in to making these stupid little videos that you actually get good at writing, and shooting, and editing. Then BINGO, you’ll birth a worthy viral video into the world. Because than dammit you’ll realize how fucking hard it is to make good, really good content.  Then and only then you’ll curse the day you dared to poo poo all over someone else’s creativity. 

Please try it. Go make better content. I love a good youtube video. 

In full disclosure, I personally haven’t been a victim to nasty youtube comments because nothing I’ve ever put out there has been good enough to warrant views from strangers. Just don’t like the haters. 

 

Tags: youtube

Last Week’s Trash

Roomers are flying that the release of the new iPhone is less than a month away. and lines have already started to form on the roof of foxcon. 

The United States is the most expensive place to deliver a baby coming in at 12 thousand dollars for a vaginal delivery. not to be confused with the 12 dollar vaginal delivery service offered by craigslist.

A new study shows caffeinated coffee may lower the risk of suicide in adults by 50%. Meanwhile Decaff coffee drinkers continue to ask, “whats the point”. 

A new study shows caffeinated coffee may lower the risk of suicide in adults by fifty percent. Folders has already changed their advertising to “The best part of waking up, is not slitting your wrists”

Two teenage girls were arrested for armed robbery after a photo of the girls in their robbery costumes was found on one of their phones. The photo is for a new phone app called “Turn Your Selfie In”

slightspodcast:

Episode 117: Not the Chapel, Sistine 

The three of us are back together, this time for an entire show! So if you want to be lectured about how comedy and entertainment isn’t noble you came to the right place. Just be sure that your legacy is secure for altruistic reasons, take the appropriate words out of your vernacular, stop saying “like” and call up your hedge fund friend. Let’s go!

Tags: podcast

We’re Back!

After a 3 week hiatus, we are back with a fresh new dose of internet for your ears. This week we compete to see which of us is the cheapest whore. It’s a fight to the finish on a new Static in the Attic. Listen Online 

Tags: podcast

It turns out getting beaned by hundreds of unripe flying tomatoes is painful.   Knowing our nations hungry will be supplied with “Free Ketchup” makes it all worth it.! 

It turns out getting beaned by hundreds of unripe flying tomatoes is painful.   Knowing our nations hungry will be supplied with “Free Ketchup” makes it all worth it.! 

Tags: food

What’s going on?

Here’s what happens when I drink, and then diced to turn on my microphone. It’s not pretty. Listen Online

Tags: podcast

slightspodcast:

Episode 114: A Visit From The Queen

We have yet another rare treat for you because this week all three of us are joined by the lovely Jessica Besser-Rosenberg. It was unfortunate for us, only because she proved herself to be a much better joke writer than us and has a much more pleasant demeanor. However, our jaws are much more malleable probably from spewing so much b.s. at you for so long.  

Tags: funny podcast

Organic Torpedoes of Death. 

Ungoogleable

This week, death might be an option for Kyle and me, especially when E.T.’s genitalia hangs in the balance. That plus a hypothetical question that brings vulnerable me to my hypothetical knees. Come join us on the internet! Listen Online

Tags: funny podcast

Smoke Break

Wassup Roommates,

I’m out back taking a smoke break. Correction, I’m out back smoking cigs so hard I’ll need an air break, only I won’t need an air break because I’m a smoking boss hoss. That’s right, I’m rippin heaters back here till my lungs bleed. “But why Jim?” you ask oh dull minded roommates of mine, “do you enjoy the taste, or perhaps the buzz?”, to which my answer is no idiots. No one likes smoking breakfast cigars. I’m obviously busting zags because they make me look super awesome and legit, maybe even too legit. I can’t help it, I just look so freaking cool and bad-ass when I rip a dart. So spare me the lecture, I know they’re “terrible” for me, but I look bomb Don Draper.com Juan good.

You have to admit there’s something undeniably sexy and suave about a man who has no regard for his life, breath, or the way his fingers smell. All the pretty girls walking by are thinking, “He must be famous or something. That or he’s dangerous, and my mom won’t like him! I bet he makes love like a vampire.” Don’t you guys see, puffing gorts is like the back door to a ladies heart!

I did the math dudes. You basically have to puff butts if you want chicks.

MATH:
Life – chicks = Lame slow death (roughly 80 years)

Life + Cigs = CHICKS and faster death

Chicks > Death

Therefore Cigs – Death = Endless life with multiple chicks. (secret of universe)

That’s called solid math gentlemen. If you keep smoking, you live forever with lots of hot babes.

Finally, cigarettes are the best way to trick the female mind into thinking you’re interesting, even though you’re not! All interesting guys slowly kill themselves through addiction, like Dr. House. So quit being uninteresting and come Pop a schmo with me. Probably a LOT of super hot chicks back here by now.
-JIm

For more Notes From Jim’s Fridge CLICK HERE

Tags: funny smoking

Static in the Attic

Come hang out with Kyle and me on the internet! This week on an all new Static in the Attic, bullets fly, animals talk, and Kyle gets engaged! Listen Online

Tags: funny podcast

This was a fun @slightspodcst! Thanks @Mpbradfo for subbing in!

slightspodcast:

Episode 112: Grab It By The Helve

We are joined this week by Mallory Bradford who not only gives us some joke time decorating tips, but also shares her bed sheets with us. Ms. Bradford also shares some logic with us in joke form and why she has no desire whatsoever to confront the cosmos. She just doesn’t want to walk back into the room and declare, “I”ve got it!”

Tags: podcast funny

Cyber Cheetos

This week Kyle and I go for a swim in the deep end of the internet, down a Wikipedia Wormhole.Thanks for the listens, LISTEN ONLINE

Tags: podcast funny

The Kitchen

Roommates/Jerk Heads,

Don’t be alarmed if you hear angry noises coming from my bedroom. I’m full on hissy-fitting in here right now, punching pillows, and listening to Rage Against the Machine as loud as my laptop speakers will go. It’s a full on freak out anger fest in here right now. I’ve locked myself in here and I swear to effing god I’m not coming out until the kitchen is clean. It looks as if a blind person and a muscular dystrophy patient got in a spaghetti fight. Is that what happened? Hmm? Did we join some sort of bazaar community outreach program, where local handicapped kids get to destroy our kitchen as therapy? Because if that’s the case, I’m STILL EFFING PISSED at you guys! Seriously, I across the board do not trust people with disabilities, do not let them in our apartment. BUT, that’s obviously not what happened, because all of our shit is still here.  So that means you monkey pubes made the mess, and YOU need to un the fuck make it.

I’m so freaking fracking pissed off at you jerk knuckles. Join the gull darn adult world and clean up after yourselves, GOD. I’m seriously not coming out of my room until you fat idiot jerkhbutts CLEAN. I’m probably urinating in my water bottle at this point, because you ass farts haven’t started cleaning yet, and I gotta pee, and I swore an anger oath I would remain in my quarters until the kitchen is restored.

You know where to find me. Knowing you guys, it’ll probably be a few days before you clean, so when you do come let me out of my anger cage, it’ll probably smell weird.

I seriously hate you guys,

Love Jim

For more Note’s From Jim’s Fridge, CLICK HERE

Tags: funny

Tonight! @PeachesHotSauce Live Podcast. 

Tonight! @PeachesHotSauce Live Podcast. 

Tags: chicago